Hence the broken logo. It represents partly the state of my heart at the moment, with its torn loyalties, and partly the cause of the stress - trying to follow and fulfil God's call to ordained ministry in the MCSA, yet at the same time trying to fulfil my responsibilities to my family, given to me by the same God who gave me the calling.
Tonight was a case in point - tears were already flowing at our community worship as I tried to sort out all the various stresses weighing down at the moment. And part of this is due to the fact that Belinda and I have just spent a couple of weary hours filling umpteen application forms for high school for James in 2012, not to mention the wads of supporting documentation required with each application - killing a few trees in the process.
The closing date for these applications is 28 February 2011.
However, the nature of the MCSA stationing process is such that our stations are only confirmed in September. By then, any attempts to submit applications to schools in the city or town we are stationed to at that late stage (assuming that there are in fact schools to apply to) will be likely to be met with raucous laughter, accompanied by a "don't call us ... we'll call you" response.
The upshot is that we are applying for James to go to a Pietermaritzburg-based high school, and given that my station is unlikely to be here in Pietermaritzburg, we are applying for boarding as well. Which means that, once again, our family will be split thanks to stationing by the Church (we were separated in 2009 because the then Phase One programme was only for a single year, which made changing schools twice in two years impractical).
Because I came out of Phase One as "damaged goods" in a sense, largely as a result of being apart from Belinda and James, I was adamant that we would not be separated again. I also decided last year to draft a resolution aimed at changing the stationing process per our Laws and Disciplines to make it more pastoral and "family-friendly", taking into account matters such as schooling and spouse's employment. It was accepted by our Circuit Quarterly Meeting, passed through the Synod, and was ultimately enacted by Conference. However, the nature of the beast is that it will take some time for a resolution to translate into practical application, which means that the current process remains in force for the moment.
Yet here I am, just over a year down the line, about to break my promise to my family that we would not be apart again. At the same time, James is at a critical stage in his school career, and we can't afford to mess with that. What does one do ... I've often been told that our priorities as ministers should be God, family, and church - in that order. Yet often it seems that our priorites are God, church (or sometimes even church, God), with family coming in last place. I'm hoping and praying that the abovementioned L&D amendment will go some way (however small) to realigning one's priorities to what they should be.
But such is life ... I did after all promise to go wherever the Church sends me. Still, there are more than a few tear stains on the application forms we completed tonight. And the heart will tear even further when we hand them in...
1 comment:
"tears were already flowing at our community worship as I tried to sort out all the various stresses weighing down at the moment"
I feel your pain. Went to a pastors association meeting on Monday night. I've been working 24/7 for weeks and am starting to feel the strain. By the time the service started singing the hymn Holy, Holy, Holy I was a basket case.
Ministry is always far more work than I anticipate.
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