Kids in church

Gotta love these ones...

3-year-old Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am".

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys".

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets".

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven", the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say", the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say", the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Lord, grant me patience...now!

I don't know about some of you, but I've never been one to back down from speaking my mind. I tend to have strong views on certain things, particularly when it comes to what I perceive to be unethical behaviour, and I've been the cause of more than one rather heated debate at Circuit Quarterly Meetings.

So much so that one of the ministers in my current Circuit advised me, during probation, to "keep my head down, my nose clean, and my mouth shut". Yeah, right - like THAT's going to happen! While I believe that I do have a healthy respect for authority, I'm also no-body's "yes-man".

But I received this prayer from a fellow member of Toastmasters (which I'll speak about more in a future post), which puts a little perspective on things.

"Lord, keep me from becoming talkative and possessed with the idea that I must express myself on every subject.

Release me from the craving to straighten out everyone's affairs

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Make me helpful but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom and experience it does seem a pity not to use it all -

But Thou knowest, Lord that I want a few friends in the end."

Ancient computing device?

My son James found this rather interesting-looking stone the other day, and the fertile imaginations in the Jones family have been speculating on what it may be.

This morning I think that I have found the answer - a stone-age mouse!

(I am of course open to other suggestions!)

On the move!

Well, it's time - two weeks left, and then I'm off to Uitenhage. I don't know how Paul felt when embarking on his first missionary journey, but I can imagine that what he felt and what I am feeling right now must be fairly similar.

This past Sunday we had Rev Brian Smith leading the service at St Andrews. Brian has been journeying with our leadership for some months, providing valuable training that will empower them to take the congregation forward, as Brian puts it, "from where you are now to where God wants you to be".

However, Brian's next words were in the form of a question to the congregation: "Do you think that this leadership is capable of taking you from where you are now to where God wants you to be?" Before the congregation could answer, Brian replied to his own question thus: "Probably not".

Before an impromptu lynch mob couuld be assembled, Brian went on to explain himself: "In our own strength, we do not have the capacity to lead anyone around the block. And the realisation thereof is scary. But just as Moses was confronted by that which gives shepherds the most fear of all - fire, so God speaks to us through our deepest fears. God does not need to call those who are equipped, because God equippes those who are called".

As I embark on the start of my personal "missionary journey" towards becoming a Methodist minister, I pray that as God has called me, so God will equip me as well. Lord, I REALLY need equipping, as I am so incapable of taking Your people from where they are now to where You want them to be...

You in your small corner, and I in mine...

I love the Church that has just accepted me as a probationer minister, despite the quirks and issues that one has to deal with from time to time within its ranks. And I also made certain promises from the floor of Synod, including the one where I promised to go to whichever Circuit I would be sent.

But a recent read through some of the documents on the MCSA 2008 Conference website have left me a little confused. In the report entitled "Human Resources, Management, and Development", Rev Brian Smith notes that the results of a recent survey questionnaire completed by clergy has indicated that "far too many Ministers are being placed in Stations which result in separation from their spouses".

As I enter Phase One in 2009, I will be adding to the ranks of "separated ministers", as I will be leaving my family behind in Johannesburg when I relocate to Uitenhage next year. And while I'm in the fortunate position of my wife not having to seek employment outside the home (NEVER say that a housewife "doesn't work", gents!), my problem stems from the fact that my son is currently at school in Grade 4.

"So what's the problem?" you may ask. "Surely there are schools in Uitenhage?" Undoubtedly there are, as is the case in any town or city within South Africa. I've no doubt that there are many good schools where I am going, as there will be in Pietermaritzburg or virtually any place where the MCSA chooses to send me.

That's not the problem. The problem is with the disruptive nature of the placement process during probation.

Let me explain for the benefit of those who are not familiar with the process around placement of ministers within the MCSA. Normally an ordained minister would be sent to a particular station for an initial period of two years (known generally as a "Conference Appointment"). If all goes well and there is mutual agreement between the minister and their Circuit, the minister can be re-invited for a further period of up to three years (making a total of five). The minister can then be re-invited for further periods of up to five years thereafter. In this manner, despite the itinerant nature of the Methodist ministry, the individual minister can remain in one place for a reasonable period of time if need be. (For purposes of this post, I'm not discussing the "ideal" period that a minister should remain in one place - that's a different topic for another day!)

Not so when it comes to probationers. I currently live in the south of Johannesburg, approximately 15 kilometres from a Phase One training centre. However, the "powers that be" have determined that I should be sent 1 000 kilometres away to start my training at the Port Elizabeth Phase One centre. No problem so far - after all, I DID say that I would "go to whichever Circuit I am sent", and there are worse places in the world to live than near the coast!

However, the MCSA has decided that as many probationers as possible are to spend time at a residential seminary, which means that it is likely that I will be spending some time at the new Seth Mokitimi Methodist Seminary from my second year. This seminary is in Pietermaritzburg, which will mean another move of some 1 100 kilometres.

Once again I have no problem with Pietermaritzburg. I have spent some time there during my auditing days, and it looks like a pleasant enough place to live. I've also been told that there are some excellent schools there. However, after a year (or two) at college, no doubt I'll be off again to wherever the MCSA chooses to place me to complete my probation. If the experience of my colleagues is anything to go by, that is unlikely to be a "Checkers" (i.e. "just up your street") move, either.

Now herein lies the rub. My son has been in the same school for 6 years, and although he has done reasonably well since he started school, this has been the year in which he has really started to come into his own academically. At this stage of the year he is well in the running to make the Top 10 in his grade. In addition, he is an avid participant in sporting and cultural activities, and is well liked by both his teachers and his peers.

Naturally, as a parent, I would like not to disrupt this setting if at all possible. Changing schools three times in the next four years (Uitenhage in 2009, possibly Pietermaitzburg in 2010-11, and anywhere in the Connexion thereafter) is virtually guaranteed to do so.

For this reason my family and I have taken the painful (not to mention expensive) decision for them to remain behind in Johannesburg until I come towards the end of probation.

Now I KNOW that the MCSA cannot create a tailor-made situation for each and every one of its candidates. And I KNOW that I can only be sent where there is an available station. And I accept this. But given the Church's concern regarding the separation of families, this is perhaps one area that warrants further consideration?

In my case, if I could have known with reasonable certainty that I would be able to spend even three years in one area, I would not be leaving my family behind next year. As it is, we just simply cannot plan, and therefore need to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation.

However, with God's help, we'll get through this phase of the ministry journey.

Ama-glug-glug!

Last night before going to bed, my wife and I prayed (as we generally do) that God would give us a good night's rest, ready and refreshed to tackle the next day. Well, I rested really well last night - so much so that I slept right through the mother of all storms.

This morning the devastation was plainly evident. Although the house got away with little more than a seriously good wash (which finally got all the bird poop off the roof), my office did not fare so well. Being at the bottom of a sloped stand, all the stormwater that would ordinarily have been taken by the storm drains in the street (which are currently all in various states of disrepair) rushed down the driveway and ended up 6 inches deep in my office.

Thankfully we had the foresight to put all of the files up on shelves, although the contents of one file needs some serious drying-out. But as I was baling out the office, thoughts of "The Wise Man Built His House Upon The Rock" came to mind - especially the part where we sing "The Rains Came Down And The Floods Went Up".

Isn't it strange what one remembers from Sunday School? Needless to say, while singing silly songs does not keep the water at bay, nor does shouting or crying, either.

And this got me thinking about our attitude to life - especially when things aren't going so well. In Mark 4: 35-41 we read how the storm came up when Jesus and His disciples were crossing the lake. In the midst of the storm, Jesus was asleep. Storms will come into our lives, and unlike Jesus, we may not be able to rebuke the waves. But we CAN choose how we will respond to such storms. Jesus rebuked the wind and the waves, but I'm not convinced that when He asked the disciples why they were afraid, questioning their lack of faith, it was because the disciples were unable to deal with the storm. Rather, I believe that Jesus' questions to His disciples had more to do with how they reacted to the storm.

Storms will pass, as this one surely would have as well (our Lord simply accelerated the process!). However, just as Jesus was resting in the midst of the storm, so I believe that we need to rest in Him when storms enter our lives. And if a bit of water in my office this morning served as a reminder of the One Whom I need to put my trust in, then the clean-up operation was not the waste of time it may have seemed at first.

I give thanks that God has brought me through many storms in my life - including this one - and that whatever storms I may face in future, God will be there for me and with me.

Congratulations, President-elect Obama!

... and thank you for one of the most inspiring speeches I've heard for many a year.

To hear the speech, click here.

"Yes, we can!"